Dear Idiot Humans reading my blog,
I am reposting some of my letters from greytalk.com. My Idiot Feral Human was foolish enough to tell me I should put new material up for those of you who have read them before. The Idiot Feral Human seems to think her opinion counts around here.
Hisses,
Chase
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
How many time do I gotta tell her she didn't see anything?
Not-dear-Idiot Stupid Feral Human,
I was NOT cuddling with that damn stupid dog you call Dazzle. Cuddling indicates that I *love* her, which I don't. I was merely pressed up against her belly because it's COLD (which is a hint to you to turn up the heat in here, moron), and she was warm.
It's a question of my very important comfort and survival only. So quit carrying on with you, "Aww, are you snuggling with your puppy?" You sound like a complete and total ding-dong when you say that, you know.
Hisses,
Chase
P.S. I took the batteries out of your camera, so you will NEVER get photographic evidence of this. I'm not as dumb as some idiot feral humans I could mention
I was NOT cuddling with that damn stupid dog you call Dazzle. Cuddling indicates that I *love* her, which I don't. I was merely pressed up against her belly because it's COLD (which is a hint to you to turn up the heat in here, moron), and she was warm.
It's a question of my very important comfort and survival only. So quit carrying on with you, "Aww, are you snuggling with your puppy?" You sound like a complete and total ding-dong when you say that, you know.
Hisses,
Chase
P.S. I took the batteries out of your camera, so you will NEVER get photographic evidence of this. I'm not as dumb as some idiot feral humans I could mention
You didn't see a thing, Idiot Human
Not-dear-Idiot Human,
You did not see me rubbin' up on Dazzle and givin' her lovins this morning when you came downstairs. And quit tryin' to say you did.
Hisses,
Chase
You did not see me rubbin' up on Dazzle and givin' her lovins this morning when you came downstairs. And quit tryin' to say you did.
Hisses,
Chase
I am a Fleetwood Mac fan
Not-dear Idiot Human,
Whoever told you that you can sing, lied. If I *have* to listen to human singing, you can put on that Stevie Nicks human for me. If I had my way (as I should) she would be the only idiot human allowed to sing.
Hisses,
Chase
(The Fleetwood Mac fan)
Whoever told you that you can sing, lied. If I *have* to listen to human singing, you can put on that Stevie Nicks human for me. If I had my way (as I should) she would be the only idiot human allowed to sing.
Hisses,
Chase
(The Fleetwood Mac fan)
A Two-Fur, not that you idiot humans deserve it
Dear Idiot Human,
Dazzle and I drinking out of the same water bowl at the same time doesn't mean a damn thing except that I was thirsty and she is too stupid to respect my personal space. But once again, you get all excited and think this means I love her or some stupid thing like that. Moron.
Hisses,
Chase
****************************
Dear Stupid Girl-Kitten,
Don't think I haven't noticed you calling Dazzle over to you then rubbing yourself up against her face. I raised you better than that.
Hisses,
Chase
Dazzle and I drinking out of the same water bowl at the same time doesn't mean a damn thing except that I was thirsty and she is too stupid to respect my personal space. But once again, you get all excited and think this means I love her or some stupid thing like that. Moron.
Hisses,
Chase
****************************
Dear Stupid Girl-Kitten,
Don't think I haven't noticed you calling Dazzle over to you then rubbing yourself up against her face. I raised you better than that.
Hisses,
Chase
Attempts on the Idiot Feral Human's life
Dear Stupid Dogs,
Do NOT trip up the human. I don't want her to fall and get killed. Not that I give so much a damn about HER, mind you, but she does have the opposable thumbs around here and feeds me. If she dies, who feeds me? Not to mention, if I want her offed, I'll do it myself, thankyouverymuch, and a hell of a lot more efficiently than YOU two could manage.
Hisses,
Chase
Do NOT trip up the human. I don't want her to fall and get killed. Not that I give so much a damn about HER, mind you, but she does have the opposable thumbs around here and feeds me. If she dies, who feeds me? Not to mention, if I want her offed, I'll do it myself, thankyouverymuch, and a hell of a lot more efficiently than YOU two could manage.
Hisses,
Chase
I can if I want to!
Dear Idiot Human and not-so-dear Stupid so-called "Grey" hounds,
If I want to drink out of their water bowl, then I will.
And they can stand there whining and looking all stupid-pathetic all they want. I don't give much of a damn.
They'll drink when I'm done and I *say* they can drink.
Anybody got a problem with that?
I didn't think so.
Hisses,
Chase
If I want to drink out of their water bowl, then I will.
And they can stand there whining and looking all stupid-pathetic all they want. I don't give much of a damn.
They'll drink when I'm done and I *say* they can drink.
Anybody got a problem with that?
I didn't think so.
Hisses,
Chase
Whiny dogs
So here's the deal. In the morning, I like to sit on the bottom step near the kitchen so I can watch my stupid feral human mix up the wet food that I like for my breakfast. I have to watch over her to make sure she does it right, cuz she's an idiot human.
Dazzle seemed to get it in her head that my sitting on the step meant I wanted her to love on me. Damn idiot dog. I hissed at her a couple of times, and she'd make this infernal racket with her whining. "Oh, poor me, Chase won't let me love him." Pathetic.
And the stupid human FALLS for it. She's all, "Aww, poor Dazzle, is Chase not lovin' you? Poor puppy...."
So not only does the damn stupid greyhound whine, but her whining gets the damn stupid human whining. Dammit.
Listening to them two whine just ain't worth it. So I've been letting Dazzle give me a good-morning kiss in the morning, cuz it keeps HER happy and not whining, which keeps my idiot feral human from whining, too.
That's ALL there is to it. I don't love that damn dog. I just want her to shut up.
I dare anybody here to say otherwise. ::GLARE::
Hisses,
Chase
Dazzle seemed to get it in her head that my sitting on the step meant I wanted her to love on me. Damn idiot dog. I hissed at her a couple of times, and she'd make this infernal racket with her whining. "Oh, poor me, Chase won't let me love him." Pathetic.
And the stupid human FALLS for it. She's all, "Aww, poor Dazzle, is Chase not lovin' you? Poor puppy...."
So not only does the damn stupid greyhound whine, but her whining gets the damn stupid human whining. Dammit.
Listening to them two whine just ain't worth it. So I've been letting Dazzle give me a good-morning kiss in the morning, cuz it keeps HER happy and not whining, which keeps my idiot feral human from whining, too.
That's ALL there is to it. I don't love that damn dog. I just want her to shut up.
I dare anybody here to say otherwise. ::GLARE::
Hisses,
Chase
I want my nap!
Dear Stupid Dazzle,
Quit licking me when I am taking my nap on the sofa.
Hisses,
Chase
Dear Stupid Human,
Your so-call 'observation' that it takes me five minutes of being licked before I start hissing at her is probably wrong, mainly because you are stupid and have no sense of time, and is not appreciated. Feel free to keep your comments of, "Aww, I know you love your puppy" to yourself. Idiot.
Hisses,
Chase
Quit licking me when I am taking my nap on the sofa.
Hisses,
Chase
Dear Stupid Human,
Your so-call 'observation' that it takes me five minutes of being licked before I start hissing at her is probably wrong, mainly because you are stupid and have no sense of time, and is not appreciated. Feel free to keep your comments of, "Aww, I know you love your puppy" to yourself. Idiot.
Hisses,
Chase
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