Sunday, August 30, 2009

Waking up and bathtimes

Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,

If you wake up to me sitting on your chest and glaring into your eyes, you might want to take that as a hint that you have displeased me, instead of telling me to "Get my fat ass off" (you should talk).

Same goes for if you take a 'bubble bath' and sleep in the water (dunking your entire bodies in water, more proof of human stupidity) and leave the door open enough for me to get in and hop onto the side of the tub and glare at you.

By the way, screaming in the second case was not necessary. And don't give me that "You scared me!" crap.

Hisses,
Chase

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I'll take it if I want it!

Not-Dear Idiot Feral Human,

If I want Summer's bed, then I'll take it. Somebody has to show her who's boss around here.

Hisses,
Chase


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Not-Dear Stupid Greyhound,

Wuss.

Hisses,
Chase

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

When Humans don't share

Not-dear Idiot Humans,

My Idiot Feral Human is drinking something called "Irish Cream" and refuses to give me any. No amount of glaring is working. She keeps saying in what *she* thinks is a cutesy voice (in reality, she sounds like a dingaling), "Not for kitties!"

Then she calls me her "Pretty Irish Kitty" and starts singing some stupid song about Irish eyes smiling. Some nonsense about my birthday being March 17th, whatever the hell *that* means. The human thinks this is funny. The human thinks this is cute. The human is an idiot.

Hisses,
Chase

Ancient Egyptians and Idiot Humans

Not-dear Idiot Humans,

I'm told 5000 years ago, those of you called "Ancient Egyptians" worshiped us cats as gods (as we should be.)

At what point did you get collectively stupid and forget this?

Feel free to make amends for your foolishness. *glare*

Hisses,
Chase

Hold still!

Not-so-dear Idiot Feral Human,

Either sit down or stand up. Make up your non-existent mind. But once I claim your lap as my resting place, you need to keep your butt on the sofa.

Hisses,
Chase

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Summer is disrespectful

Not-dear Summer(one of the Idiot Greyhounds),

When I hiss at you to get out of my way, you get the hell out of my way. You don't walk by me like you don't see me.

Hisses,
Chase


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Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,

Don't think I didn't see you laughing at her disrespectin' of me. You gotta sleep sometime. *glare*

Hisses,
Chase

It's bedtime, stupid

Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,

Apparently you aren't just an idiot, but you're deaf as well. I've been calling you to bed for 15 minutes now. I need a pillow to rest on, and you make a good one.

Move it.

Hisses,
Chase