One Idiot Feral Human, female, late 30's, kind of stupid but reasonably well-trained, lot of years left in her. Reason: Because she annoys the hell out of me.
I reserve the right to get her back when it's time for me to be fed, for my litter box to be cleaned, and when I want a lap to sit on.
Hisses,
Chase
Monday, January 4, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
It's not that flat
Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,
Just because the top of my head is flat does not mean you get to balance your soda can on it.
You're pushing your luck lately.
Hisses,
Chase
Just because the top of my head is flat does not mean you get to balance your soda can on it.
You're pushing your luck lately.
Hisses,
Chase
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I'm giving you a view, be grateful
Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,
Regarding your whining about me sticking my butt in your face and boo-hoo, you 'didn't want to see that first thing in the morning'....
You'll note I didn't ask whether or not you did, because I don't care.
Hisses,
Chase
Regarding your whining about me sticking my butt in your face and boo-hoo, you 'didn't want to see that first thing in the morning'....
You'll note I didn't ask whether or not you did, because I don't care.
Hisses,
Chase
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
More proof that humans are stupid....
Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,
Regarding your argument that by virtue of being human, *you're* the smart one....
Which one of us gets to sleep all day, and which one of us has to go out and work?
'nuff said.
Hisses,
Chase
Regarding your argument that by virtue of being human, *you're* the smart one....
Which one of us gets to sleep all day, and which one of us has to go out and work?
'nuff said.
Hisses,
Chase
The Idiot Feral Human's Wake-Up Call
Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,
If the idiot girl kitten wants to jump on your stomach in the middle of the night, she can. She may be an idiot girl kitten, but she is still a cat, and therefore, superior to you.
Hisses,
Chase
If the idiot girl kitten wants to jump on your stomach in the middle of the night, she can. She may be an idiot girl kitten, but she is still a cat, and therefore, superior to you.
Hisses,
Chase
Sunday, November 1, 2009
What Halloween means to THIS black cat
Not-dear-Stupid Idiot Humans,
This is the day after this things you Idiot Humans call Halloween, which I call an excuse to stuff your faces with things you won't share with us. Whatever.
It was on this day, twelve years ago, that I got my Idiot Feral Human. I would've gotten her sooner, except for some stupid rule about not adopting black cats like me out during this Halloween thing. The Idiot Feral Human says it's due to some rumor about not-nice things being done to black cats this time of year. Whatever. It worked out for me--aside from her still not being properly trained all these years later, but there's only so much I can do with a dummy.
Because of this rumor, the Idiot Feral Human was warned about making sure I didn't go outside.
Lemme explain something--stupid as she is, I at least got her trained to feed me, clean out my litterbox, and serve as a pillow when I want extra warmth when I sleep. What the hell do I need to go outside for?
I guess I'll keep her. Not out of sentiment. I'm just too damn old to start training another Idiot Feral Human. But if she brings one more stupid greyhound in this house or another Idiot Feral Human to live here, then she's gonna be sorry.
Hisses,
Chase
This is the day after this things you Idiot Humans call Halloween, which I call an excuse to stuff your faces with things you won't share with us. Whatever.
It was on this day, twelve years ago, that I got my Idiot Feral Human. I would've gotten her sooner, except for some stupid rule about not adopting black cats like me out during this Halloween thing. The Idiot Feral Human says it's due to some rumor about not-nice things being done to black cats this time of year. Whatever. It worked out for me--aside from her still not being properly trained all these years later, but there's only so much I can do with a dummy.
Because of this rumor, the Idiot Feral Human was warned about making sure I didn't go outside.
Lemme explain something--stupid as she is, I at least got her trained to feed me, clean out my litterbox, and serve as a pillow when I want extra warmth when I sleep. What the hell do I need to go outside for?
I guess I'll keep her. Not out of sentiment. I'm just too damn old to start training another Idiot Feral Human. But if she brings one more stupid greyhound in this house or another Idiot Feral Human to live here, then she's gonna be sorry.
Hisses,
Chase
Monday, September 28, 2009
Save the humans--A Special Letter From Me
Not-dear Idiot Human,
Normally I spend my time thinking about how much easier life would be if I didn't have to try and train the Idiot Feral Human, and I have entertained thoughts about doing her in, if not for those opposable thumbs of hers. Those opposable thumbs make it worth keeping a human around to serve you.
So on that note, my human is going out on October 4th to do what she calls a "Race For The Cure". What this means is that she will get out of my house and leave me in peace for a few hours while she walks around to raise money to cure a disease called breast cancer, which is known to affect 1 out of every 8 human women during their lifetimes.
Since human women are much more likely than human men to serve us cats (and I could say a lot on THAT subject, but the Idiot Feral Human has asked me to be nice for the sake of a good cause, and since she's been good this week, I'll indulge her), then obviously it's worth saving them. So I will whole-heartedly back the Idiot Feral Human (not to mention shove her fat ass out the front door) in doing this.
The Idiot Feral Human will be walking with another Idiot Human (though not a feral one, as this human was apparently raised and properly trained by cats) who has survived the disease (which means she is available to serve a cat again--any takers? I recommend this human highly.) They are hoping for donations from other humans in this. You can give them money at http://www.komendenver.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=1090&team_id=42820
If nothing else, it gets my Idiot Feral Human out of the house for a few hours so I can torment the stupid greyhounds.
Save the humans.
Hisses,
Chase
Normally I spend my time thinking about how much easier life would be if I didn't have to try and train the Idiot Feral Human, and I have entertained thoughts about doing her in, if not for those opposable thumbs of hers. Those opposable thumbs make it worth keeping a human around to serve you.
So on that note, my human is going out on October 4th to do what she calls a "Race For The Cure". What this means is that she will get out of my house and leave me in peace for a few hours while she walks around to raise money to cure a disease called breast cancer, which is known to affect 1 out of every 8 human women during their lifetimes.
Since human women are much more likely than human men to serve us cats (and I could say a lot on THAT subject, but the Idiot Feral Human has asked me to be nice for the sake of a good cause, and since she's been good this week, I'll indulge her), then obviously it's worth saving them. So I will whole-heartedly back the Idiot Feral Human (not to mention shove her fat ass out the front door) in doing this.
The Idiot Feral Human will be walking with another Idiot Human (though not a feral one, as this human was apparently raised and properly trained by cats) who has survived the disease (which means she is available to serve a cat again--any takers? I recommend this human highly.) They are hoping for donations from other humans in this. You can give them money at http://www.komendenver.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=1090&team_id=42820
If nothing else, it gets my Idiot Feral Human out of the house for a few hours so I can torment the stupid greyhounds.
Save the humans.
Hisses,
Chase
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