Friday, April 3, 2009

Fine. I have a blog now. Happy, idiot humans?

Not-dear idiot humans,

Some of you here know me, some of you don't. For you exceptionally stupid humans (though you'd have to go a ways to beat my Idiot Feral Human for stupidity) who failed to read the description on my blog, I am Chase. I'm a 12-year-old cat. What this makes me in human years, I don't know, and it ain't up for discussion, capice?

I had no intentions of doing this 'blog' thing, but I got me this fan club on another website-- It's a website for idiot dog-lovin' humans who like these 'greyhounds' (who ain't grey, which just proves how gullible humans are). They like to adopt 'em and give 'em homes. I encourage you all to look into doing this--if more of you dog-lovin' humans take greyhounds home, that's less greyhounds for my human to try and adopt and bring into my house. There's two here already that she didn't bother to consult me about before she brought 'em home. They're stupid. It's been hell.

Anyway, I'd take the computer away from my Idiot Feral Human and give the other dog-lovin' humans on that website a piece of my mind. (My human just made a disrespectful comment about my mind. No problem. I know where she sleeps.) I told those other dog-lovin' humans what I thought of the whole lot of them.

And wouldn't you just know it.....they think I'm *funny*. Don't humans have the sense to know when they're being insulted?

Apparently not, cuz some of 'em started saying I should have my own blog so they could keep up with my life. I had NO intentions of doing ANYTHING to please the humans, but Idiot Feral Human said it would be their way of worshiping me and admiring me, even from afar.

I could stand a little worship and admiration from other corners. God knows my human refuses to dedicate herself to my every want and need 24/7. *Never* adopt an adult human. They're completely feral and near untrainable at that point. I only keep this one cuz she's got opposable thumbs, and so far, has kept my food bowls filled promptly upon demand. But that's a basic commands and she ain't capable of much more than that. 6 billion humans on this planet and I adopted the dummy. *glare*

So I'll update this as I see fit, and you humans who want to can read all you want. Feel free to admire me, as I deserve.

Now, if you'll excuse me (not that I care if you do or not), I'm gonna sign off and let the Idiot Feral Human know I'm ready for bed, so she should go too. I like to curl up in her armpit, it's warm there.