Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'm giving you a view, be grateful

Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,

Regarding your whining about me sticking my butt in your face and boo-hoo, you 'didn't want to see that first thing in the morning'....

You'll note I didn't ask whether or not you did, because I don't care.

Hisses,
Chase

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

More proof that humans are stupid....

Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,

Regarding your argument that by virtue of being human, *you're* the smart one....

Which one of us gets to sleep all day, and which one of us has to go out and work?

'nuff said.

Hisses,
Chase

The Idiot Feral Human's Wake-Up Call

Not-dear Idiot Feral Human,

If the idiot girl kitten wants to jump on your stomach in the middle of the night, she can. She may be an idiot girl kitten, but she is still a cat, and therefore, superior to you.

Hisses,
Chase

Sunday, November 1, 2009

What Halloween means to THIS black cat

Not-dear-Stupid Idiot Humans,

This is the day after this things you Idiot Humans call Halloween, which I call an excuse to stuff your faces with things you won't share with us. Whatever.

It was on this day, twelve years ago, that I got my Idiot Feral Human. I would've gotten her sooner, except for some stupid rule about not adopting black cats like me out during this Halloween thing. The Idiot Feral Human says it's due to some rumor about not-nice things being done to black cats this time of year. Whatever. It worked out for me--aside from her still not being properly trained all these years later, but there's only so much I can do with a dummy.

Because of this rumor, the Idiot Feral Human was warned about making sure I didn't go outside.

Lemme explain something--stupid as she is, I at least got her trained to feed me, clean out my litterbox, and serve as a pillow when I want extra warmth when I sleep. What the hell do I need to go outside for?

I guess I'll keep her. Not out of sentiment. I'm just too damn old to start training another Idiot Feral Human. But if she brings one more stupid greyhound in this house or another Idiot Feral Human to live here, then she's gonna be sorry.

Hisses,
Chase